At some point, there will be another swim meet. But when?

As demonstrated repeatedly over the last few months in relation to pretty much each and every aspect of life, a blank-stare-eyebrows-raised shoulder shrug is the only accurate response to that question. 

Until whenever when is, here are a few ways you can make today at least feel like a swim meet (aside from the actual swimming part).

1. Rhythmically chant “STROKE!… STROKE!… STROKE!…” from the sidewalk as the neighbors paint their house.
2. Write the day’s schedule on the inside of your forearm with a Sharpie. (2:00 — JAZZERCISE)
3. Smile often and belly laugh until you snort.
4. Swig a half gallon of chocolate milk. (Important to do this after the snorting laugh.)
5. Thoroughly soak a towel with cold water and haphazardly toss it on the bathroom tile before taking a teeth-chattering, goose-pimpling shower, then attempt to dry off with said towel.
6. Award yourself mental medals. Bronze for walking the dog. Silver for placing the empty milk jug in the recycle bin rather than back in the fridge. Top-of-the-podium gold for living the day with gratitude, empathy and bold kindness.
7. Lift up and build up humanity — OUR TEAM, OUR TEAMMATES — with unbridled positivity and conviction.
8. Lose your goggles.